So I just got back from a little vacation to Portland, OR with the lady. And great time was had by all. And of course, being in a beervana as they call it, I drank a lot of special beer. In fact, procuring special Oregon beer was the first thing I did in Portland – first stop: supermarket, second stop: hotel. The flight landed real late, so the lady and I decided to ordered a pizza, and settled into our hotel room with our six-pack to recoup from the travel. The beer we chose – Deschutes Mirror Pond pale ale, a damn fine and sessionable pale ale that holds a legendary status over there in the Pacific Northwest. I believe doctors even found this beer in Cobain’s system after he killed himself…OH WAIT….THAT WAS HEROIN! This beer would have definitely been too much fun for that guy. 
So we each had a couple of brews, threw the left over two beers in the fridge (the hotel room had one) and forgot about them for the rest of the trip. The hotel we stayed in was rather nice – nice amenities, good location, and clean. And it got clean because of what seemed to be the only housekeeper employed by the hotel. This one gentleman seemed to handle all the cleaning duties for the ENTIRE hotel (the hotel was on the smaller side so it wasn’t like he had to clean 100 rooms, but still). He also looked exactly like this guy (right). But instead of a burger in his mouth and a helmet on his head, he had sweat on his brow and a vacuum in his hand. And also he was a white guy. Poor bastard.
Every day I saw him walking around the hotel grounds, sweatin’, cleanin’, and generally suckin’ wind. This guy was being worked to the bone! Here I was, on vacation, enjoying the fruits of this incredible city, gettin’ laid, and this poor shmuck had to clean up after my drunken gluttonous shagfest. I don’t know about you, but my mother taught me my heart should go out to the poor shmucks in my life that have to clean up after my DGSs. And it did.
So otherwise, the lady and I had such a fun time that the rest of the trip unfortunately passed pretty quickly. Along the way, we had sampled much delicious (and cheap) food, sweets, coffee, and beer (the show Portlandia is right, Portland really is the place that young people can go to retire). I had also picked up a couple special bottles of beer that I planned to bring back with me. The night before our early morning flight home, I was delicately packing the bottles strategically in my bag (as any traveling beer geek invariably does at end of their trip) when I came across the two leftover bottles of Mirror Pond from the first night. Now there wasn’t enough room in the bag for those two bottles too, so I figured, “Nightcap!” I was just about to crack the bottles when there was a knock on the door. It was the housekeeper, come by at 9pm to clean the room. I had seen him arriving at work that morning, already covered in sweat (or perhaps it was the early morning dew of Portland) and start cleaning the rooms on the top floor of the hotel, and just now was he getting down to our room (on the bottom floor). He had been at it ALL DAY! I told him not to bother, that we were leaving the next day, and wished him good night. He nodded to me as he wiped sweat from his brow (or perhaps it was the late night dew of Portland) and walked to the next room. I closed the door, and looked back at the beers. The lady had grabbed the bottle opener and was about to crack one of the brews. I thought for a moment, then I asked her to give me the bottle opener…
We left the next morning, leaving behind those two bottles of beer. As I got into the cab for the airport, I saw the housekeeper arriving at work, and I looking back at him, I shouted “I left two in the chamber, in case you ponderin’”, and then drove out of his life. I didn’t really say that, but it would have been pretty badass if I did, and also he would have immediately realized that I was referencing The Wire season 3 Omar to Brother Mouzone, and that I must love it just as much as him, making our bond stronger. Regardless, I hope the bastard enjoyed his “on-the-clock” taste.
-Erich
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